Tears…

I wake up with tears when I have these dreams that make my mind spin.

I hate trying to interpret and understand and cause myself to stress over an illusion that’s not there.

Good or bad my brain is exhausted of trying to comprehend what it all means.

There are days I wish I was a cat and wish I just slept 16 hours a day, straight through, no dreams, not having to endure the pain of waking up to a world that chooses not to understand me.

I swallow the golf ball I feel in my throat allowing the slobber of tears dry on my cheeks while I stress once again over nothing.

I get up waiting for the dream to end, realizing it was another rumination of negative thinking, another anxiety-inducing thought, another whirl-wind, another p.m.s.

To find the light of the sun beating me with its warmth telling me to wake-up, hoping I can sleep one day with the lights off.

Still feeling the after effects of the depression I once had years ago that still slip through whenever I am extremely worried or distressed.

Feeling happy once again trying to understand why I let my mind go through all that mess.

Feeling happy and content that I made it through that suicidal state.

Feeling happy that I was able to conquer my own mind.

Feeling happy that I found love and a purpose for my life.

And here I am to tell you-you can and will get through it too.

And this is only a temporary quest on its way to find the treasure chest.

A.H.